Family Matters: Modelling behaviour
Ever hear the saying “Do as I say, not as I do”? We’ve all heard or even said this once or twice. It’s a common phrase that adults typically say to children when they don’t want them modelling a negative behaviour that they’ve done or are about to do. It sends a mixed message – “What I’m about to do is wrong, so you shouldn’t do it, but I’m going to do it anyway…”
On the other hand, many parents might think their child isn’t paying attention to what they do. Maybe because they’re little and might not understand, or they’re a bit older and seem preoccupied on their phone or with friends. While it may appear to be the case from the outside, the truth is, children (and even adults!) are always observing and taking in the world around them. Human-beings pick up on ques from their external environment as a way to learn how to act and behave. For children, this mostly comes from their parents as they tend to spend the most time with them.
What does it mean to model behaviour?
Parents model all kinds of behaviours to teach their children how to do certain basic things in life. This includes things like how to brush their teeth, chew their food and use the toilet. Most of parenting in the early years is about teaching your child how to do these types of things.
As children grow up, they are still observing and learning how to behave from the outside world. Social learning theory suggests that learning happens through observation, imitation, and modelling. This means that most of what our children learn from us is based off our actions rather than our words.
There are three ways we learn through observing others:
Physical modelling: this is where a person acts our or demonstrates a behaviour.
Symbolic modelling: this is where characters from films, TV, books or social media display a behaviour.
Verbal modelling: this is where a behaviour is instructed through verbal explanation or description.
When we think of all this in terms of health and wellbeing, it can start to make sense that if we (parents and carers) are taking care of ourselves by eating healthily, staying active, and looking after our mental health then our children will see that and start to adapt that behaviour themselves.
For example, if you are the type to snooze the alarm in the morning to get 10 extra minutes of rest but then struggle to find the time to have breakfast before rushing out the door, this behaviour will likely influence your child’s habits and behaviours as well. Instead of snoozing the alarm, what if you woke up and made a healthy breakfast for the family, or better yet, prepared it the night before? This will send the message to your children that it’s important to make the time to have a healthy breakfast to start your day.
You do not have to be perfect, and that’s OK. Remember, if you start by changing one small habit or behaviour, over time you can make a big difference.
Here are three easy ways to model behaviour for your children
Enjoy a wide variety of foods
Be sure to include different colours of fruit and vegetables, wholegrains, nuts and seeds, beans and legumes, fish, and even chocolate and sweets in moderation. It’s important to show that all foods have a place in a healthy, balanced diet.
Drink plenty of water
Six to eight glasses (about 1.5 litres) is the recommended minimum water intake per day in the UK. If you’ve been very active, try to have a bit more.
Stay Active
Aim for 30 minutes a day of moderately intense physical activity for adults (60 minutes for children). This can be spread out across the day. Whether you go for a walk or a hike as a family, play some sport, or follow along to a dance video on YouTube in the living room, it all counts towards your activity for the day.
Ultimately, being a role model to your children may seem like an intimidating prospect – but by modelling behaviour, you can encourage your family to make healthier choices.
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